How do you create belonging?
I’ve been giving some thought this week on how the feelings of belonging and connection are created. What does it actually mean to “Love Where You Live”? To me, it means feeling a deep sense of connection, comfort, and fulfillment in your living environment. It’s about more than just liking your physical space—it involves embracing the community, culture, and overall atmosphere of the place.
Belonging is tied closely with the idea of “fitting in”. Am I able to be myself here? Am I valued for who I am? Do I feel seen, heard, needed, valued, appreciated? When we feel like we belong, we lean in more to the opportunities around us. We trust the relationships we’ve formed, and this trust builds the social capital crucial to achieving our goals. Belonging also connects deeply to feeling safe and secure in both our environment and the relationships within it.
In the book, The Power of Meaning, author Emily Esfanhani Smith explains that research has found belonging to be one of the most important drivers of a meaningful life. According to psychologists, a sense of belonging hinges on two key conditions: first, being in relationships grounded in mutual care, where each person feels valued and loved by the other; and second, having regular, positive interactions with others.
As a belonging designer, I strongly believe that belonging is something we can cultivate for ourselves and for others. Several aspects shape our perceptions of belonging, including:
Feeling at Home
When you feel at ease and emotionally connected to your surroundings—be it your home, neighborhood, or town—your environment reflects your personality and values, bringing a sense of peace.
Belonging in the Community
Actively engaging in your local community, building meaningful relationships, supporting local businesses, and participating in events fosters a sense of connection to the people around you.
Engaging in Shared Activities
Shared activities, from hobbies to volunteer work, create bonding experiences that deepen connections. Group events like book clubs, sports, or creative projects promote unity and shared purpose.
Participate in Rituals or Traditions
Celebrating together through holidays, birthdays, or shared customs reinforces connections with others. These routines provide a sense of continuity and shared identity.
Supporting the Local Economy and Contributing to the Well-Being of Your Area
Supporting local businesses enriches the unique character of your community. Participating in neighborhood improvement projects, advocating for local causes, or simply contributing to communal well-being makes the area better for everyone.
Offer and Accept Support
Being open to helping others—and allowing yourself to receive help—fosters mutual trust and strengthens relationships.
Emotional Connection to Place
The memories, experiences, and relationships you build in your home and community deepen your attachment to it. Whether it’s family gatherings, town traditions, or favorite neighborhood spots, these moments contribute to a strong emotional bond.
Reflecting on the past week, I made a list of things I did that gave me a sense of belonging:
Noticed and complimented my neighbor’s new front door
Helped care for a friend’s dog during a chaotic time
Asked for help with my dogs
Spread the word of a friend’s new business venture
Went to the same restaurant we do every week for breakfast, asked about our server’s life and tipped well
Bought apples for the annual applesauce making tradition in our house
Organized a family dinner
Shared an inside joke with an old friend
Watched the sunrise over this place I love
Then I thought about the things others did that made me feel seen and valued and appreciated:
My mechanic took time out of his Saturday to help me with my truck when it wouldn’t start
A client recommended a book she thought I’d enjoy
My neighbor let us know there was a frost warning so we could wrap our newly planted tree
My son brought me flowers
Someone featured in my column reached out for project help
My friend asked me for a referral to a pet groomer she knows I trust
As you read over this list, it has a striking resemblance to the characteristics outlined above it. It seems my perceptions of belonging align pretty closely with those items. This alignment feels like proof of concept for me. My lived experience follows the thought work in this area. By being aware of what I receive and intentional in what I give, I create belonging and connection for myself.
